I am a huge fan of online shopping. Seriously. I am also a huge fan of Franz Ferdinand. Double seriously. The one weird thing, though, is that I'm a writer and I can rarely focus for long enough to actually read a book, or sometimes even a really long Buzzfeed article. So, to get back into the reading spirit, I decided to break into my dad's Amazon account and buy Sound Bites. It apparently originally sold for $13USD, but I somehow got it for close to $6. Thank you, Amazon. The only disclaimer I have for this is that descriptions of food tend to gross me out, so I've been avoiding actually reading any of that. Like, I'm here for the band stuff. Also, I'm really tired. Let's go! Here are my thoughts while reading Sound Bites. You can follow along, but to be honest, why would you? It basically just goes in order of the book itself. Maybe each number is a chapter-thingy because typing things out isn't my thing. Yeah, I'll go with that. NIGHT 1 1. The peanut allergy story. I think I listened to Alex reading this last year during a study hall in Spanish class and the entire class probably thought I was completely insane because I was trying too hard not to laugh. Also, child Alex may like onions, but I will forever despise them. 2. Yay, Bob is introduced!! I love Bob. I trust him. I'm tired. Alright, Alex just used the term 'dive.' He's Guy Fieri. I can confirm. 3. I don't believe I'm going to get through this. The road ahead is dark and cringey. My cat isn't even here for moral support. I have no clue what sort of format this is in. He mentioned something about being Greek. I'm Greek. Cool. Ok, he just did drugs. I'm really lost. 0 role model points so far. Also, something about wine? I'm 14. That's illegal. I can't read about that. Call the police. 4. Texas! I don't understand Texas. My brother just walked into the room and sent a photo of me, hunched over my laptop with bloodshot eyes and a tired smile. One for the yearbook. Anyway, Texas. What is Alex Kapranos doing in Texas? Um??? He just mentioned concrete. Manuela leaks???? Hello??? Just kidding. Haha. Ha. H a. H a . WAIT. Ok, I don't know if anyone remembers this, but a few years ago there was a post going around which was a ten minute loop or Alex saying "Ew, gross." I need that. He just said that. In Texas. Alright, they're at Austin City Limits now. Cool. Whatever. Seems fun. I'm still tired, but doing this when I'm not tired won't be anywhere near as entertaining. 5. OH NOOOOOOO. OYSTERS. I have a list of things I absolutely despise, and oysters are pretty far up on that list. One time, my dad was like 'try an oyster!' And I was like 'ok, cool, whatever!' It was not ok, cool, whatever. It was unfun. UNFUN, I TELL YOU! I hate being tired and forcing myself to do stuff like this. Ok, I'm Paul. Me. I relate. I, too, am disgusted. Wait, hold on, I no longer relate to Paul. Burgers are on my hate list too. Ok! 6. That sushi place seems so cool! I want to go there! Also, no matter how many times the chef dude tells me to trust him, I won't trust him. I'm creeped out. 7. I haven't even looked at the next chapter-thingy. I just want to sleep. Alex is in New York again and there are lobsters. Cool. I bet he went just to watch them fight in the tank. That's totally an Alex Kapranos thing to do. (Alex, if you're reading this, please tell me you've done that.) LOBSTERS HOLD HANDS. ASDFGHJKL. Don’t even mention killing crabs around me, by the way. Last summer, at the beach, Alli and I found this little crab. We named him Nathan, after Nathan Adrian, Alli’s favorite Olympic swimmer. He was our son. We took care of him for a solid five minutes before he died. Or burrowed into the sand. Or mysteriously disappeared. We don’t really know what happened to Nathan, but he will live on in our memories, or in the ocean, forever. Alright. Alex just mentioned hating when restaurants play music. It’s time for a story. Last year, I was in a restaurant in Lake George, and they played like three Franz Ferdinand songs. Wow. Ok. I bet without that restaurant Alex wouldn’t have a networth of $6 million USD. 8. He’s doing something with bones. Cool. I’m tired. The Sleepy Blogger is a place without judgement. That’s what I’m calling this, right? The Sleepy Blogger? Maybe. In other news, I’m not even thirty pages into this. And I thought it wasn’t going to be long. I was wrong. I might head to sleep after this, considering it’s nearly 1 AM, but this book is so fricken interesting. I didn’t think I’d like it. I do like it. I like Sound Bites and I like Alex and I like thinking back to this time two years ago when there was no way I’d be running this blog, buying books on Amazon, or even staying up until nearly 1 AM. So much has changed. Ok, Alex is eating bones now. Cool. I’m… Not disgusted. Just kidding, I am. Toasted you there, huh? And… Alex likes it. I’m not sure how he’s doing this. If someone came up to me and said “hey, Liah, eat weird stuff for your blog,” I’d be like, “no?? Plain pasta is good with me??” Major props to you, Alex. Alright, Alex cut his finger. Nice. 9. Alex, throwing random French words in just because you’re in Paris isn’t cool. Neither is eating broccoli. I’m tired. Also, Nick hasn’t been mentioned once. Conspiracy???? Just kidding. As always. 10. Alex is still in Paris. I guess one could say he’s… Lost in France! Is that thing happening where I accidentally adopt a writer’s writing style for a bit after reading a bunch of their stuff? I hope it’s not. Cool, chicken. Alright. Even cooler, a pigeon. Sweet. OH NO, THE PIGEON GOT RUN OVER!!! Ok, whatever. Rest in peace, pigeon. Go join Nathan… Maybe. NIGHT 2 Night 2, here we go. I don’t want to start this right now, but what the heck? I’m pretty exhausted and I have nothing better to do. I still have, like, 80 pages of this freakin’ book to get through. It’s making me sad. I don’t want to be sad. Not today, Satan. I just got a ton of warnings about my startup disk, and I couldn’t fix anything, so I went through my iPhoto and roasted all of the stuff I had on there from a couple years ago. Alright, after playing the “spell everything wrong” game with Alli for a solid ten minutes, it’s time to continue. *snaps neck* Let's do this. 11. Last time I checked, Alex was still in Paris. But now he’s back in Glasgow. Cool. Alright, cool, Mother India. The Franzdom was obsessed with that place a couple years ago, last time I checked. They held a meetup there or something. Or maybe I’m remembering everything wrong. Whatever. Alex’s car blew up in 2000. That’s fun. I am in no way tired enough for this. It’s not even 11 PM yet. Last night, I started at around midnight. 12. Alex’s fridge is nasty. Alright. Cool. I think I have to wait an hour to finish this one. Be right back. No peeking. I’m back, but honestly Night 2 might be over. I’m so tired. I don’t want to read. I FaceTimed Alli and we roasted this book together. Ok, Alex is somewhere now. I’ve used the words ‘cool’ and ‘alright’ too many times. I need to find some new ones. Good. Sounds good. 13. Alright, now Alex is going to fight someone? Cool. I’m down. Sounds good. Why not? Ok, some guy named James just saved him. Cool. You go, James. 14. In South Shields’ metro station… Alex is eating more food. Okay. Don’t. I’m Michael Jordan. Stop it. Get some help. He mentioned World War One. Fun. He mentioned Greek stuff. Cool. Me too. 15. Hi. I’m back. Actually, I never left. Alex just reminded me of the taxidermy birds I saw in the New York Museum Of Natural History. They creeped me out. They didn’t have eyes. They had little feet. It was weird. I don’t know why it bothers me so much. Ok. I feel like that Zootopia meme. Please don’t. Please don’t. Please don’t. Please don’t. Me too, Alex. I can’t handle blood and dead animals. I feel you, man. 16. I have an edit idea. I’ll be right back. I’m back, and here’s the edit: Munich. Cool. Nick is from there. munichagain.com is a really cool blog. Alright, the rest of Franz are there too. So much is happening. It reminds me of New Years Party 2014, when we went to Busch Gardens and stayed in the worst hotel ever. I don’t even know if it qualifies as a hotel. I don’t know what it was. 17. I’m tired. That is my emotion. Tired. But… What are Alex’s emotions? He’s eating pizza. On the floor. With his brother. Alright, didn’t know he had a brother. Cool. Whatever. Pizza. Italy. I’m tired. 18. Andy is eating octopus. Octopus isn’t that bad, to be honest. Stop hating olives. They’re good. I’m Michael Jordan. Stop it. Get some help. 19. Madrid, cool! I want to go there. I’ve done so many school projects on Madrid and Barcelona. Bacon ice cream. Less cool. Stop it. A guy has a tattoo of a bass. Cool. Ok. I think I’m done for tonight… But when is NIght 3? 20. Just kidding. Why is Alex pretending to be a child again? This entire thing is weirding me out. He gets so into it. I mean, like, you do you, and of course it makes sense because this is technically an autobiography, but seriously. It makes me uncomfortable. 21. I have homework to do tomorrow. I shouldn’t be up reading and reviewing. I should be asleep. But I’m on chapter-thingy 21, and there’s no stopping me. I’ve done ten now. I can stop. Ok. This Australia restaurant is so calming. I want to be there. I’m totally hearing this playing right now: Yes. I love the ocean. I totally just listened to Dire Dire Docks for ten minutes. Whatever. YES. THERE ARE STARS. I WANT TO GO TO THIS MAGICAL AUSTRALIAN RESTAURANT. TAKE ME THERE. I guess there’s time for one more chapter-thingy… Giving myself a head start on Night 3, whenever that may be. 22. Alright, a great drawing of Alex slaughtering crabs. I hope none of those are Nathan. I like the ‘good vibe’ sign too. I want that. Cool. 23. Melbourne. Good thing they haven’t gone to Brisbane, Weezer fandom. Everyone’s disappointed over something I’m still tired. I still love Australia. I’m exhausted, but it’s 1:33 AM. It’s not time to sleep yet. 24. Awww. Franz’s Japanese fans are so cute. Everyone’s so dedicated. When I went to FFS, I didn’t stick around after to say hi. I don’t regret it now. I’m a blogger, and with Twilight Collective’s motto of AML, we can do just about anything we need to. Trust me. Or don’t. It’s your choice. Paul is drinking sweat? Okay. I never realized Alex had this many friends. Sorry, if you’re reading this, for the constant roasts. Why would you be reading this, anyway? Who cares what some teenager has to say about your book? Why would you care? Whatever. 25. Cool. Blowfish. I’m soooooo tired. Ugh. Alright, a ninja restaurant. Alli, if you’re in my drafts again, we should totally go there. My cat just… Closed my door. That’s weird. She’s never done that before. I had a dream last night that a really big, fluffy, white dog taught me how to talk to ghosts. Maybe it’s back. Anyway, ninja restaurant. Ok, they’re eating weird stuff now. Eggs. No. Not into that. It is 1:46 AM, and Night 2 is over. |
About The AuthorLiah is a high school senior who plays guitar and loves the color yellow. She doesn't post much, but when she does, it's awesome. We promise.
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